Fred HeathOver the course of my career in software development I've read thousands of job adverts and talked to hundreds of recruiters. I've learned one thing: to read between the lines. IT recruiters and hiring departments speak a different language to us, a language rich with subtlety and innuendo, a language which might seem simple at first but hides deeper meaning. As a service to the community I now present a handy translator from recruiter lingo to common English. Make sure you look it up next time you see the job-ad of your dreams.
| What they say | What they mean |
|---|---|
| An exciting opportunity has come up | Exciting for us as the commission is huge; for you not so much |
| You'll be working in a dynamic environment | You'll be working all hours under the sun while requirements constantly change and managers run around like headless chickens |
| An environment that rewards achievers | unless you work 80-hour weeks you get no bonus |
| A work-hard, play-hard ethos | You'll be treated like a galley slave by a bunch of imbeciles who think drinking 8 pints of beer every night is 'playing hard' |
| Our client is a leader in their field | Our client thinks they're a leader in their field |
| A company with a high public profile | The local paper once had a two-column article about them |
| You will be encouraged to take ownership of your own projects | Success is shared, failure is all yours |
| A rapidly expanding company | Annual cycle of firing & re-hiring |
| Salary is competitive | ...if you're an a 18-year old looking for a summer internship. And it's 1982 |
| Huge career progression opportunities | Layoffs planned in 2 months |
| They're using tried and tested, enterprise-level technologies | They're using Java EE |
| You'll be working on a complex, highly-configurable system | They're using Java EE |
| You'll occasionally need to address issues raised on the legacy system | They're using Java EE |
| A company driven by results | Forget about Test-Driven Development |
| Development is centred around customer-focused delivery | Cucumber is out of the question too |
| A self starter who can hit the ground running | They are 10 months past the deadline |
| Looking for an enthusiastic team-player | Your colleagues will be over-bearing sociopaths |
| A company that is disrupting the market | A company that doesn't know the meaning of the word 'disrupt' |
| Ability to multi-task | They want you to do three jobs but they will only pay for one |
| Full-stack developer required | You'll be expected to function as a database expert, UX consultant, middle-ware guru, application developer and deployment wizard rolled into one. But we'll still pay you only one salary. |
| The company is currently transitioning from a waterfall methodology to Agile | They don't know what Agile is but they like buzzwords |
| It really doesn't get much better than this | It can get much better than this, but you'll never know it if you apply for this position |
| Send your CV in now so you don't miss out on this fantastic opportunity! | [Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!!] |
If you know any others that I've missed please feel free to ping me.
PS: this piece was first posted on the Bootstrapped Thoughts blog.
[Edited 23-May-18] added Full-stack listing as per comments suggestion
