Starting the bootcamp, I was very excited to learn new technologies. It was an opportunity not only to network with other upcoming developers but to see industry practices used in the real world. Assuming the instructors were those coming from the industry to spread their knowledge to the younger generation, I was an eager student waiting for the first stack to open on the learning platform.

But as the bootcamp progressed, my excitement and participation within the classes declined. The number of my questions that went unanswered due to the instructors deeming them "too advanced" increased during the earlier classes, which demotivated me. My progress from day 1 was nonexistent for a good amount of the start of the bootcamp mainly due to my prior knowledge in computer science and web development. The bootcamp is designed for students with no previous knowledge in programming, after all.

In the earlier classes, I was constantly reminded to let the other students struggle and learn on their own pace, to not interfere by giving too much advanced knowledge when they "aren't ready", and restructure my expectations for the bootcamp. It was driven into my mind to take a backseat, even though I paid the same amount to invest in my learning as a beginner programmer did. During algorithms, I wasn't allowed to participate unless to answer questions others had or nudge them in the correct direction. During lectures, I wasn't allowed to comment or ask questions on the material since all my questions would "make the students confused" or were going to "overload the students with too much information". Therefore, what questions I asked were dodged and bluntly not answered. To be frank, I was ignored for the majority of the beginning of my experience of the bootcamp.

My mindset went from "I'm going to have a wonderful experience in this bootcamp and learn so much!" to "This is a waste of my time and I just want to get this over with already..." real fast. I started going through the coursework mindlessly. I understood concepts and debugged. I struggled on my own, previously been taught that relying on the instructors to answer questions was literally out of the question. And since I was always one of the more advanced students, turning to my classmates was never a go-to either. But as they advanced through the bootcamp, I watched them progress with passion in their eyes and envy seeped into to me. Where did my passion disappear to?

I knew I was simply going through the coursework to understand and finish. But there was no longer that excitement and the passion I felt when sitting at the keyboard and going through the problem solving of programming. Granted, coursework is never built out projects that inspire excitement but there should still be something of curiosity still. And that's when I realized I was going through the bootcamp by going through the motions.

But as time passes, I know my passion will return. Inspiration and motivation comes and goes but discipline and determination doesn't. This is the path I have chosen and the journey I will continue. It's the one my heart, body, and soul is in.